Stuff I Don't Want to Know

When my daughter was one year old, and I took her for her well check, the doctor discovered she had something weird in her belly. Long story short, he had discovered a Wilms tumor on her left kidney. During the next week and ensuing months, the hub and I learned all about surgery, kidneys, chemotherapy drugs and other things we never wanted to know. Same thing happened with her dyslexia and 20 years to the day after her kidney surgery, we learned all about heart failure and transplants.

Its no wonder that along the way I learned all about anxiety and panic attacks. All I have to say about that is thank God for Paxil and its generic counterparts! The point I'm dancing around is that sometimes you learn about things you never really wanted to know about and all that stuff is stuck in your brain. It takes up valuable space and keeps other information (like where you parked your car) at bay in your brain.

For instance, because I like to read scandal rags ( I need to pay attention to unimportant things sometimes - I just wish I could shake everything out my ears when I'm done with it.) I happen to know there is a woman in this world named Kim Kardashian. She is famous because she has a giant ass. She has two sisters who are famous because their sister has a giant ass. They have a TV show which I have never seen because if I did see it I would have to wash my eyes out with soap. That would really hurt.

The thing is, until about six months ago I had a fat ass and nobody put me in a TV show. I have lost my ass, though, but I have a sister - but my first and last names start with different letters and I'm not dating a football player. But I have a hubby and have for 31 years - so ha fat ass lady! I also know the names of all the Spice Girls and all the Beatles' birthdays. Why do I remember this crap? I was lousy at history because I couldn't remember dates to save my life but I can tell you that Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice) named her daughter Bluebell Madonna. Make it go away!!!!

I think all the trivia I know is a protective coating so I don't dwell on things like actinomycin D is the chemo drug which caused my baby's hair to fall out, or that 15% of schoolkids are dyslexic, or that I know how to pack the holes in her belly made by drains and the LVAD that circulated her blood while she waited for a heart. Yeah, I guess I'd rather have Brad and Angie's kids in there.

Plus, when you're playing Trivial Pursuit you totally want me on your team. I can smoke anybody in trivia games because nothing unimportant ever leaves my brain. Just pair me with somebody who knows history.