Lying, Cheating, etc.

I am a liar and a cheater. Well, technically, I didn't lie, but I cheated my butt off. In fact, if you go back to the site of my transgression, you might find my butt there, on the floor, all by itself since I'm sure nobody else has cheated there and now it has no friends. Here's what I did: The hub and I went to Kaiser the other day to get our flu shots. He'd gotten his seasonal shot when I was there getting Lefty worked on. He has asthma, though, so he was in the risk group for H1N1 and he needed that. I needed both.

There was a bit of a line and when we got to the front we told the screener lady what we needed. The hub-unit was okayed for the H1N1 but she nicely told me that I didn't fit the criteria for the shot and I should just get the seasonal. I was a little disappointed which is odd because I'm terrified of needles. I guess I just don't like rejection. I also know that our family tends to get everything that comes down the pike to the nth degree and I so didn't want to get sick and almost die again...

Anyway, I sat in the seasonal shot chair. The nurse rubbed alcohol on my right bicep. Then there was that awkward moment of waiting for her to jab me. I'm always tempted to bolt at this time but the whole line was watching for lack of other entertainment, and I didn't want to embarrass myself. The jab came and it was so gentle and painless, I swear I heard a unicorn sigh. Maybe it was me - I do have a bump on my nose.

After I got my shot and finished embracing my shooter and swinging her around in circles, I went over to the H1N1 station where the hub was rolling up his sleeve. He got his shot which seemed to hurt a little. When he got up, the nurse looked expectantly at me and after a nanosecond of hesitation, I plopped into the chair and exposed my left bicep. The nurse swiped it with alcohol and stuck the needle in my arm. It did sting a little. I mean I shouldn't complain since I bogied the shot illegally. Still...

When I got home and regaled my daughter with my trickery - she said "Gee, Mom, now somebody won't be able to get a shot because you did." She knows right where all my buttons are and loves to mash my guilt one...It worked. I've been feeling like a big poopyhead ever since, imagining some asthmatic child, pregnant woman or geezer gasping for breath and feverishly gulping down water to prevent dehydration. "If only they hadn't run out of vaccine" their caregiver would weep. Oh, I feel like a pig - a swine...a swine flu swine. Ughhh! Plus they came up a shot short so next year the easy, laid back process will involve guard towers and paperwork.

Then today, I heard that the supply of vaccine is beginning to catch up to the demand, Yay! Apparently, the virus they used to produce the vaccine grew slower than expected, so the vaccine company got delayed, but its catching up. Whew! Now my pregnant geezer child can get his, her, their shot! I just hope when they go there they don't trip over my butt.