Not Desperate, Just Not Very Good at It

I was looking at an online scandal rag that I swear I'm not addicted to. Really. I'm not. Anyway, there was an article about the Real Housewives. I didn't read it and I don't watch the show, but I realized that, hey, I'm a real housewife! I've been working for a lot of years mostly because I loved my job, but also, I knew that I suck at housekeeping. Its like putting beads on a string with no knot in the end and frankly, I get bored easily.

Once a week, I am lucky enough to have a lady come and beat back the mess so the health department stays away. Over the years, she and I have become friends and I am amazed at her skill. She gets the whole house clean all at the same time, and I've never heard her swear. Of course, her first language isn't English, but I don't hear her muttering under her breath either. And she's never all sweaty. In fact she always looks like she just came out of a salon. She smiles a lot, too, and I know its not drug induced because she doesn't believe in using drugs.

How does she do it? I mean, I told my husband before we were married that I could cook like his Italian grandma (everybody's good at something - mine's cooking), but I keep house like, well, me. Its not pretty. Once in Ontober of 1989, I was vaccuuming and we had a big earthquake. That taught me a lesson I have never forgotten. I also told the hub when I was so unceremoniously let go from my beloved job that I cannot fire my cleaning friend. I mean why should she suffer because I screwed up? He agreed - we've been married almost 32 years and he knows about my shortcomings.

He's seen me get all sweaty trying to clean the whole house at once, and Lord knows he's heard me swear. I know lots of swear words and I know how to use them singly and in combination. In fact, sailors and stevedores learn how to swear from ME. True story.

Anyway, I'v seen ads for the Real housewives and they look like they're probably not very good at housekeeping either. They all seem to wear wigs, they swear, and to be honest, they seem a tad slutty. I may be a lousy housekeeper, and I swear, but I don't wear wigs and I haven't been slutty since high school.

So, as long as my cleaning friend keeps coming and I get help with the laundry, and nobody minds my foul mouth, I'll keep cooking and screwing up the laundry. You know, keepin' it Real...