Things To Hate and Love at Christmas

Well, its almost December and the Christmas season is in full flower. There are so many things to love about the season, it sounds cliched when you start to list them. I'm going to do it anyway as soon as I finish listing the things that really piss me off. You can do this if you are half curmudgeon on your mom's side as I am. Here we go: I detest songs that aren't about Christmas but toss in the word "Christmas" to get air play. Case in point - "Last Christmas" by George Michael. I'm sure you've heard the insipid drivel... "Last Christmas you gave me your heart and the very next day you tore it apart..." Its a break up song - not a Christmas song. When I hear that piece of crap I want to punch Santa Claus.

I hate pfefferneusse. First of all, it is a stupid word. I know its not English but its dumb. And those nasty, plastic, chemical tasting, squishy excuses for cookies taste like they've got styrofoam as a main ingredient. The only good part is the icing. If you are ever at a Christmas party and you find pfefferneusse with the icing nibbled off tucked in a napkin and stuffed in the trash, come and find me! We'll chat...

If there's one more performance by a skanky, rehabbed, slutburger of a singer trying to evoke a child's wonder of Christmas by opening their eyes really wide and enunciating really well, I will vomit in my Christmas stocking. The only ones who can successfully evoke a child's wonder of Christmas are - children - and that only lasts for a few years. Then wonder is out the door and greed steps in, settles into the recliner and starts barking orders and making lists.

The only thing worse than Christmas sweaters on humans is Christmas clothing on pets. Bitches, please...pets are not decorations. Dogs and cats are inherently adorable. When you put antlers on them, it does not add cuteness - it takes away their dignity. Newsflash - the dog in the Grinch story is fictional. That's why he's cute - not because of the little antler on his head.

Lastly, (and I know there's more stuff about Christmas that irritates me but I can't think of it just now, or it hasn't started bugging me this early in the season...) I'm getting sick of muzak versions of Christmas music. Those overly arranged songs with too many strings make me want to smack Rudolph - right on his little blinky nose.

Now, I love the smell of Christmas trees. In front of any store that has seasonal greenery on its sidewalk, you will find me with my nose buried in an evergreen, sniffing. I love that smell. The sound of the Salvation Army bells is a great Christmas thing. I always carry dollars for when I see one of them. I really like it when they give me a little candy cane... Butter cookies are wonderful especially the ones with almond extract in them - frosted. Mmmmmm! Christmas is the only time of year when non-chocolate sweets are acceptable.

Good Christmas music is marvelous. Today at FoodMax I heard a Rat Pack-ish rendition of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and I almost popped open a redi-mix martini. It was so good! As I said, there is much to love about the Christmas season. That's probably why the other stuff gets my undies in such a bunch. And it's still November! By Christmas Day, I'm probably just going to have to go commando since all my undies will be tangled in a giant wad. Better add new undies to my list...