There's a song that is in no way a Christmas song but has been co-opted by Christmas song singers because its about stuff. You know - things. The song is "My Favorite Things" and its a show tune. A Sound of Music tune. My hub hates that movie because of a childhood trauma, but I've always enjoyed it. That song, though ,gets to me and here's why:
"Raindrops on roses" - Well, here in California it rains in the winter (when we're not having a drought) and most of the roses are done blooming in the rainy season. In the summer, you can find dew drops on roses, but you have to get up really early and if I have to choose - I prefer drool drops on my pillow.So the song starts out weak in my opinion. "Whiskers on kittens, OK that's cute, but anything on a kitten is cute. You could say "Gravy on kittens" - it would be gross but it would be cute. Evoking baby animals is just cheating as far as I'm concerned.
"Bright copper kettles" - are best for making candy! "and warm woolen mittens" - I'm allergic to wool. Besides that, though, wool mittens are the worst for making snowballs. They soak up water like a sponge and then your hands freeze. If you're not going to throw snowballs - what is the point in putting on mittens? Shearling mittens (fuzz inside) are best and it would fit in the song.
"Cream colored ponies" - What's wrong with brown ponies? Or black or white ponies? Probably that's why they followed that lyric with "Crisp apple strudel". You can't argue with that - especially the apple strudel from Victoria Bakery in San Francisco. Oh my... (mopping up drool ) I think you can add flab just by sniffing that stuff. With a cup of coffee - who needs a pony? "Doorbells" - Might be the UPS guy! "and sleigh bells"- probably not the UPS guy - might be Santa! and "Schnitzel with noodle" OK, that sounds good. I'd eat it. "Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wing" - geese fly in daytime not night - duh.
"Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes" - those dresses would stay white for a minute or two, max. And those sashes - they'd wad up into clumps and the ends of the sashes would fall into the toilet and get gross. Plus after the visit to the potty, the back of her dress would get tucked in to her undies and everybody would laugh at her when she walked out of the bathroom. (sigh) I sucked at childhood..."snowflakes that fall on my nose and eyelashes" OK - fun as long as the shearling mittens are in place. And you leave your glasses in the kitchen, on a table. "Silver-white winters that melt into spring". I see muddy dog and cat prints all over my house. I'm a lousy housekeeper but even I have standards. Mud prints cross the line.
Dog bites and bee stings suck, but so do gravy covered cats, frozen fingers sad ponies, drool, an eyeful of sunshine when you're looking at geese, filthy, soggy satin dresses, and mud.The food would be good,though. That song is really depressing when you think about it. Its like a litany of a horrible childhood. So sad. Who ever thought it made a good Christmas song?
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