Code Talkers

Have you noticed that a lot of the time people talk in code? When I was a kid, code for "She's fat" was "She has such a pretty face..." It was usually said with pity and a tilted head. Sometimes it was followed with "Bless her heart" which has always been code for "Don't hurt me, God, I'm gossiping." In college, a chubby girl was "Reubenesque". It gave the insult a veneer of class. Now, chunkoids are "curvy" although even skinny women have curves. We get them when we become women. Some men have curves even though they're really not supposed to. There's no word for a fat guy. He's just big. And nobody blesses his heart for it. They probably should, his heart is busy trying not to explode...

We use lots of code in everyday life. When my best buddy said "I'm so glad you're enjoying your new kitty", that was code for " Stop yakking about your damn cat!" But then she's always been more of a dog person. Especially since she accidentally ran over her neighbor's cat who was napping under her back tire. The cat was deaf and didn't hear the car start, plus it was really old.

"Interesting" is another code word. It means anything from "stupid" to "odd" to "I hear banjo music". "Amazing " is a good code word because you can say it while you're yawning. Its easy to hide total boredom behind a couple of "amazings" especially if you stretch out that middle "a".

I was at the Farmer's Market last summer when I saw some people picking out bags full of small, round, green and brown fruity-looking things. The sign said "Chinese apples/jujubes" and then a price. Funny, I always thought Jujubes were those hard fruit flavored things you get in the big boxes at the movies. Who knew?

Anyway, I had been curious about those fruity looking things for a while so I asked the mom-unit of the group what they were. "Chinese apples - sweet very good" she said and then she hit me with a code phrase that apparently transcends cultures and languages, to wit: "Good for the digestion" and she pointed at her stomach. I bought a bag full, brought them home, washed them and began to eat.

About two hours later, I discovered that "good for the digestion" actually means "Will give you gas that could knock over an elephant". For the next couple of days I was unfit to be in public. Of course, I have a delicate digestive system - one errant kidney bean can cause me to barricade myself in my house for 24 - 36 hours! I never ate those jujubes again - in fact, I avoid the table they occupy at the market. I wonder about that lady at the market and her "good digestion". Bless her heart...