Poison, Yummy, Yummy Poison

We just got back from my sister's house where she tried to kill us. Here's the story: Our nephew's birthday was November 1 but that was the day after his 23rd birthday/Halloween party. Coincidentally, it was also Day of the Dead which suited the Neph's demeanor on that day. So we celebrated his birthday tonight and that's where the attempt on our lives happened. My sister served us really good Mexican food from a place in Hayward.

It was delicious, filling and it didn't need salt. By definition, this means the food was poison. The Hub and I have learned this in our Fat Camp classes. To wit; if food smells really good - its poison. If it tastes good-its poison. If it fills your belly and makes you happy- assume you've been poisoned. If it needs no seasoning at the table-its going to kill you slowly by attacking your heart. All fruit juice is poisonous because its fattening.

Here's the thing, all our lives, we've been told that food-yummy, yummy food is good for us. We were lied to. Most food is bad for us and its relative badness is directly proportional to how yummy it is.. Oh, sure, you won't die from eating lots of broccoli but you won't really be living either, will you? Carrots, too, plus they'll turn you orange if you're not careful.

Just 100 extra calories a day, over and above what your body burns will add up to a weight gain of 10 pounds annually. Over the years this can really add up. I know - I lost 55 freakin' pounds and the hub lost 65. That's a whole lot of food we didn't eat. And a whole lot I ate to get there! I have to admit, putting on all that flab was fun. A Mexican dinner or Italian dinner, or Chinese, or Thai, or American, or any dinner that tastes good, eaten frequently enough, is going to kill you.

I love Indian food. There's probably some that is healthy, but everything I've tasted is delicious (strike one), salty and spicy (strike two), and fried (strike three - you're dead). Every time I used to snarf down a somosa or a dosa or a guab jalomb, I'd wonder "Why are these people alive?" That's why I suspect I didn't taste the full spectrum of Indian food. The fact is there are lots of Indian people who are not only alive but look healthy. They must be hiding something...

So, I'm sitting here digesting my delicious poison dinner. I feel fat and happy and really,really sleepy. Tomorrow, its back to bland and fiber rich. Maybe I'll have a glass of wine before bed. No, I better not - that stuff'll kill you!