They're Flying!!!

I just don't get ski jumping. I like watching it but its weird. I mean, most of the winter snow sports can be traced back to useful skills. People needed to get around in snowy weather so skiing is a natural. They needed to hunt - so biathlon. The Dutch (my ancestors!) ice skated around on frozen canals. I know, speed skating is not technically a snow sport, but it makes sense.

What makes NO sense whatsoever is ski jumping. What the heck would anybody use it for? Escaping from evil spies a la James Bond? Sure, you'd have to jump over stuff if you were out hunting or traveling across the tundra, but its hard to believe you'd have to fly a hundred meters down a hill and perform a Telemark landing. Who was that Telemark dude anyway? Why was landing his claim to fame? Was he a crappy taker offer?

Anyway, the object of ski jumping seems to be to hurl your body down an icy ramp and, when you get to the end of the ramp, thrust yourself into the air. Raise your tips and flash a quick ad for Fischer skis. Then, forming a large sail with your chest and skis, fly as far down the hill as you can without landing on the flat part a few feet past the hill.

I was watching the ski jumpers today, and the commentators would say things like " He raised his chest", "He went through his hips" (?)or " He got a rough start off the ramp". OK, these guys know whereof they speak, but to the untrained eyeball (mine) they all looked the same. I'm talking identical here. I really think that unless one of the skiers does an "agony of defeat" crotch slide down the side of the ramp it would be nearly impossible for the average viewer to tell who won and who lost.

Timed races are easy to judge and even subjectively judged sports like figure skating are judgable from my butt on my sofa. " Well, Dick, she's on her ass at center ice and he's bleeding from a gash on his shin. I think its safe to say they're not going to be on the podium tonight." But ski jumping doesn't add up. Plus there are style points in addition to distance so its even more confusing.

That said, its fun to watch. I like when they put a camera on the helmet or ski tip of somebody and send them down the ramp. If I ever tried that, they'd have to dub out the sound of me shrieking in terror all the way down the hill. Then I'd need a defibrillator to restart my heart and some device or other to stuff my lungs back down into my chest. It wouldn't be pretty.