Olympic Irony

Another night, another three hours glued to my TV watching highly trained athletes at the peak of their physical prowess performing unbelievable feats of strength and agility. The irony is that those of us watching couldn't be more sedentary. Unless we were dead. Today, the hub and I rode our bikes to Safeway and then, because that's a whole mile, we rode over to Subway for lunch. Then we rode all the way home.

And that was our exercise for today. Now, sitting in the recliner and watching these specimens of physical perfection, it seems a tad paltry, although the oldest of those whippersnappers out there are not much older than our own kids. I just wish I didn't make all those old people noises when I stand up.

The pairs are skating now. Most of them look pretty well matched but it doesn't seem right to pair those tiny, little waif-like girls with guys that look like bull moose. Then the boy picks up the teeny girl and throws her for all he's worth. Its like when my son used to steal his sister's Barbie dolls and chuck them across the backyard. Those little suckers could fly!

Those guys have to be strong, but the girls are fearless; at any moment, they are in real danger of doing a face plant on hard, cold ice. Plus, and this seems to be a real problem for a lot of the girls, they get wedgies. Not those little bitty girls, but the ones who look well nourished (No - that's not a euphemism for fat -they look healthy.) tend to have their leotards climb up their yahoos and they can't do anything about it til they're off the ice.

I don't know about you, but I can't even walk across a room if my undies decide to go spelunking. How hard must it be to twirl around all over the ice with your behind hanging out and everybody in the world (well, me and my ilk) wondering how she's going to get that out of there? I think these women are the bravest people on earth.

Pretty soon it'll be time to hoist my old bones out of this recliner and hit the sheets. I'll hear the Olympic Fanfare in my head as I head down the hall. The shower will be my podium and I will sing the National Anthem under the water Dick Button will announce me into my bed. I love his name...