Football-ish Names

Today was the day of the last regular season football game for the 2009/10 season. You'd think that there would be some really exciting games heading into the playoffs. You'd be wrong. We watched the end of the Niners game as they pulverized the Rams. Plus, we saw Kansas City crush Denver and we just switched off the Jets shredding of Cincinnati. The games were so lopsided that I had lots of time to contemplate stuff I like to think about instead of the game.

Did you ever notice that some football players have real football sounding names? Like Joe Montana. I always thought his name was the perfect football name. Joe is a tough name, all American - and Montana -please...The announcers were talking about Donovan McNabb which is a little football-y but also kind of Irish barkeeper-y. I also heard them mention Daunte Culpepper and Brandon Flowers who sound like wedding planners. "We're going with Culpepper/Flowers they are THE best"

Chad Ochocinco used to be Chad Johnson, but his uniform number is 85 so he changed his name. I guess if my name was boring and ordinary, like Johnson, I might change it, you know, oomph it up a little, to reflect what I do. Oh wait, I don't do anything. Never mind.

There is a Bronco named Jabar Gaffney. He sounds like a genie. Dantrell Savage and Devard Darling could be fashion designers. "She's wearing Savage and Darling, and wearing it well, I must say". Rudy Niswanger probably throws good parties and laughs at dirty jokes like the ones I like to tell.

Ryan McBean sounds like a CPA. So does Leonard Pope. They could have a firm, McBean & Pope. There's a Niner named Arnaz Battle. I don't know what to make of that name. But I like it a lot. On Kansas City there's a guy called Jamaal Charles. His name's not weird, but his last name can also be a first name so it sounds funny when they announce his plays "And Charles gets a touchdown!" "Really! What did Joe do?" Plus that Charles kid is a total biscuit and he runs like lightning...

I remember when I was a kid there was a guy named Dick Butkis which I didn't realize could be really dirty until I was older and he was retired. Rats. But there is a kicker for the Chiefs named Ryan Succop. The announcer was pronouncing it "Suck up" and I had a moment of pity for the guy's high school years before I started laughing my head off. Pretty good kicker, though, but he could have worked as a gofer for the wedding planners.

The playoffs start next week. I hope the games are better. Otherwise, I'll have to start planning Tony Romo's Pizza Place or Peyton Manning's Menswear. These guys could really have a future...