I'm starting to make old people noises. Not the organic pops, creaks and toots that you expect from someone approaching the time to start thinking about when they'll become old; well, those too, but...my accessories are getting noisy.

See, when I was a kid charm bracelets were very fashionable and all the old ladies wore them. A lady was old when she was over 40. Basically, that was time to be put out to pasture or left on an ice floe to be eaten by polar bears. I guess that's why they wore the charm bracelets - those charms clanking together would scare the polar bears away.

All I knew was that if I heard clanking and smelled gardenias there was a grandma in the vicinity. Grandmas also wore shoes that made hollow thunks on the floor. They used old-school cigarette lighters that went clack, shoosh, chwa.

Now, I will never, ever use a cigarette lighter for its intended purpose, but the last pair of shoes I bought are kind of ugly and when I walk on hard floors they kind of thunk. I also have started collecting charms for my bracelet. The new style of charms don't dangle but they're like metal beads which fit on a metal rope-like bracelet.

These charms are silent but when I was cleaning out my garage, I found a silver bangle with a prayer inscribed on it. Its one of those mobius strip bracelets that has a twist in it so it can hold a really long prayer. I put it on with my charm bracelet. When I moved my arm - I clanked!

It took me a minute to recognize the sound but then I located it in the rusty, slightly corroded file cabinet of my mind. It was a grandma noise! If I put on my thunky shoes and walk down the hall while shaking my bracelets I might get so wrapped up in my past that I'll inadvertantly brace myself for a pinch on my cheek.
My transformation is coming together...All I need is some gardenia perfume.