Penises & Breastesses

I find myself increasingly concerned about the future of mankind. Specifically, men. See, we women have already drunk the kool-aid, gone down the tubes, over the fence, followed the lemmings .There's no turning back for us - we've been convinced that we are imperfect beings only physically salvageable by doctors who can slice us up and reassemble us in a more beautiful configuration.We're also at the mercy of chemists who formulate dyes, lotions, scrubs and unguents to de-wrinklize us. (I gotta say, though, that Olay stuff in the red bottle is awesome! No, I'm not proud of that - but my skin is smooth...)

I thought that men were, if not immune, at least resistant to these insidious forces, and then I saw an ad on TV today that totally flummoxed me. Jimmy Johnson (hee hee - Johnson), former Dallas Cowboys coach and paragon of testosterone production, was advertising a penis extending product. Fortunately, its a pill so there wasn't a demo. So now men are supposed to be ashamed of their private zones - like women revile their breasts. What's next, Silicone? I know, cosmetic penile implants exist but from what I read, they aren't widely used and don't work very well.

There was also a piece on the news that I found disturbing. A group of people advocating the right to openly carry guns were walking around with handguns in holsters in San Jose. Some of them were women, I know, but there are always women who want attention for weird things. They probably went to a wet T-shirt contest later. But the guys' guns were all really long and protuberant. Used to be that guys would compensate for a small penis with a big truck.

Gas prices being what they are, trucks are a stretch. Then there was the scary dog penis extender. But you had to walk the dog around on a big chain with a spiked collar. Now its a handgun. The stupid thing is that I always heard that an unloaded gun is basically just an expensive paper weight. Its against the law to carry them loaded, so...phallus. Why not just put a dildo in your pocket? It would be just as useful and a lot more direct.

I just hope that men don't start going as over the fence as women have. Its so insidious. Just start planting seeds and eventually people will start doubting, then hating, then trying to improve themselves. Somebody will make a lot of money off this. They are evil. Nobody should be convinced to hate themselves. Penises are amazing! Think what they do...Breasts are awesome, too, and big or not-so-big, like the words to that old song "It ain't the meat, its the motion." Plus, penises help make babies and brestesses feed them, so how can we not love them, no matter what the size.

Augmented breasts rarely look real. Plus, they float in water and look goofy. Imagine swimming with an augmented penis. Sucker would keep wanting to surface. If you ask me, those things have enough of a mind of their own. They don't need any help. And this includes football guy endorsed extending pills.