A Bunch of Reasons March Pisses Me Off

March is quite a beautiful month. I've always loved early spring; the birds are back, flowers are blooming, its my son's birthday month (this is something that also pisses me off - more in a minute), there's also (shudder) March Madness. People who've read my blog since the beginning will remember that I have a deep and abiding loathing for the game of basketball. With the sole exception of a Harlem Globetrotters game I went to with my brother in high school, I have had nothing but negative experiences at b-ball games. Usually they involved my rear end keeping the bench company throughout the whole game. Sometimes I got sweated on and even took a ball to the gut on occasion.

Beautiful flowers are nice and now that we water them, they die less often. They still make me sneeze, though. Birds are pretty, too, and last year I learned not to try to see their nest in a tree, because I tend to gape at things with my mouth open and stuff could fall in or near my oral orifice. Ew - no, a bird didn't poop in my mouth, but it tossed an acorn really close. That poop thing could have happened, though.

Easter annoys me, because sometimes its in March, sometimes its in April - you don't know for sure unless you are a member of the clergy or a lunar devotee. What gives anyway, forty days past the first full moon after my dog gets her first flea of the season. Or something. I mean, they established a specific date for Jesus's birth, so why the lunar influence with Easter? It seems kind of pagan and according to people who are really Christian and don't like people who aren't, that's bad.

Then there's my son who I love more than chocolate, puppies, kittens, pretty dresses and Mexican food combined. He will be 27 at the end of March. I was 27 when I had him. For some reason, 27 years after he took 46 hours to extricate himself from my uterus, my son has decided that he knows how I should live my life. Since we're now both adults, he feels duty bound to inform me of everything I say, think or do that he feels I shouldn't. My daughter does the same thing. I think I must be the best mom ever because I raised kids who know everything!

Maybe this March Madness thing doesn't have to refer to the hated game of basketball. Maybe its about early spring making people nuts. Especially me. Especially during all those b-ball games which are sweaty and gross to watch, so I avoid them which is kind of hard to do since they're all over TV. That's OK, though - April is coming and baseball starts again. Hot dogs and beer! Plus our anniversary is in April - like I said - hot dogs and beer...