And Now a Word From Andrea Rooney...

I'm turning into a curmudgeon. I don't even know if women can be curmudgeons, but I don't care - I am one. The other day, I was in Food Max and there was a family with two small children who were behaving horribly. I actually said to my husband, "Don't people teach their kids not to run in stores anymore? When I was a kid, running in the grocery store was such a no-no!!!" Yeah, Mary Poppins raised me up real good.

Recently, we got our front yard landscaped. I told everybody that I wanted it pretty so that I could put a bench out there and enjoy my neighbors. I think secretly I want to put a bench out there so I can keep an eye on things.

I really went into cranky overdrive today at the gym. I forgot my ipod and I had no alternative but to eyeball all my fellow gymasauruses. I was using the back machine and I saw a little old gentleman headed for one of the arm machines. Inside my head, I shouted "Hey Geezer! After I'm done on this machine, then that one next to you, I'm going to want to use that machine. You better be done with it!" He was, and even though he didn't actually hear me, I can't help but think some of that negative energy leaked out from behind the smile I favored him with.


Moments later, on the arm machine I checked out the ab benches. In my head: " Yo-Cue Ball! There better not be any head sweat on that bench when I get over there". There wasn't. This is fun...

Next time I'm in the grocery store and I see obnoxious children, I'm going to use this new super power on them. My face will smile blandly in their direction and my brain will shout "All right, maggots, shut your yaps, stop running, one hand on the shopping cart, no whining and I want to hear you say 'yes, ma'am' and 'no ma'am' when your mother talks to you" they will smile back at me and their brains will say, "Yes ma'am, Weird Lady, ma'am, we'll stop running in the store, ma'am" " See that you do" I'll smile back.


And when I'm sitting on the bench in my front yard and strangers walk by, I will smile and wave, then I will narrow my eyes a little and eyeball them past my house. Oh, they'll know what I mean...