Not Lazy, Just Saving Time...

I've been tossing around ideas for a blog but I used up all my brain juice on my annual Christmas letter so nothing is coagulating into a coherent theme. "What difference does that make?" you ask. I say "Shut up!". and you say "Make me!" and things get ugly from there. But then I remember that my friend, James, posted his Christmas letter as his blog entry. "Lazy", I thought, "but BRILLIANT!". So I'm gonna do it, too. Enjoy, and Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas 2010
(Imagine a whispery, golf announcer’s voice)

(Since the year 2010 was pretty mediocre, Lizzie’s Christmas letter will focus on the two bright spots; Betsy, her new puppy, and the World Champion San Francisco Giants who are twelve kinds of awesome…We join her Christmas letter in progress…)

…there was a giant flag, a flyover by some cool jets and the Giants won. In extra innings, but they still won and kept on winning – even Zito! And that was April.

(During May and June, the Giants kept winning and our friend’s female mini dachshund had unauthorized relations with her boyfriend’s mom’s male mini dachshund. This resulted in six little wieners one of which was black and orange – Giants’ colors. In July, Ike and his beloved Carie moved to Iowa so she could take care of some family business… and the Bletz family’s Border Collie, Lucy, died. July pretty much sucked. Which brings us to August…)

… our mighty Giants lost a bunch of games. Plus it was the first anniversary of me getting fired. August was shaping up poorly but then (sound of harps) Jill moved home and got a job and we adopted Betsy, one of the offspring of our friend’s dog. She is black and orange, like Brian Wilson’s sneakers. She’s adorable. Jill’s hair is still orange..

In September we had to have our old lady cat, Beatrice, put down. Nicknamed Princess Roadkill for her ability to impersonate a kitty who has been run over by a semi truck, Beatrice had also lost control of her bladder. Which is a real pain when you’re trying to house train a puppy.

We got to see a bunch of baseball games in October which was weird because the Giants don’t usually play past September, but our guys were GOOD!!! In one five day period we went to THREE games! And they won and won and WON!!! And went to the World Series and won that, too!!! So…

(Although Lizzie was thrilled to see her boys win, she’s not mentioning the extra joy of seeing George Bush’s pouty mug behind home plate as he watched his Rangers LOSE. She felt bad for Laura, though.)

In November we got to go to the Giants’ victory parade. Saw some of the players. It was beyond cool – I’ve never been in the presence of over a million people before. Plus, we discovered that the press was mistaken – the Rally Thong had no sequins or rhinestones – it was a plain, red men’s thong. Kind of weird he carried it in his teeth, though…

(While we wait for Lizzie to evaluate her December experience, and because we’re running out of paper, we pause to give her a moment to clean up yet another pile of puppy poop…this is taking a lot longer than she expected…but she would want to wish you…)
Merry Christmas and a Happy 2011!
…and remember, pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training in February!